


Admit It!

by SaltiSnacks



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alcohol, Cussing, Dialogue Heavy, Divorce, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Matt Forces the Issue, Not Beta Read, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Shiro cries, Voltron: Legendary Defender Season/Series 08 Fix-It, Yelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 07:16:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17524247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltiSnacks/pseuds/SaltiSnacks
Summary: Matt and Shiro have a heart-to-heart.





	Admit It!

**Author's Note:**

> *I don't own VLD
> 
> **Yup. Still salty.

“Are you ready to listen _now?”_ Matt sipped at the whiskey in his hand, looking at the sullen man sitting across the living room.

“Fine. Lay it on me. I deserve it, I guess.”

“You knew this was coming.”

He pushed up his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. “Yeah. I did.”

“Four Earth months do not constitute long enough for a marriage. You barely even _knew_ the guy, Shiro. He proposed on your fifth date. I mean _come on_ now.”

He sighed and swirled the liquid in his own glass. “I know. I knew as soon as he started showing his real personality. But, I just…wanted normalcy, Matt. I thought I had found it.”

“You call whatever that was _normal?_ I call that idiocy, but you wouldn’t listen to any of us. Now you're knee deep in legal bullcrap trying to straighten your life out. _Again.”_

 _“_ I made a mistake, Matt.”

“A big one. A few big ones, actually. But, what is normal for us anyway? Life got screwy quick. We landed in an intergalactic war. Five robot sentient lions that could combine. Quintessence. Cloning. It sounds like a cheesy 21st century B-movie plot.”

He snorted and took a large swallow, feeling the burn down his throat. “Yup.”

“Did you even really love him?”

“I…I _thought_ I did. I really did. But… Once he started _changing,_ I realized it was all a lie. Anything I felt just…shriveled into nothing in _days._ I couldn’t stand to stay in the same room with him. I wasn't even interested in going to couple’s counseling. Nada. Kaput. Over.”

“Real love wouldn't do that, Shiro. It’s worth fighting for, and crossing the universe to find.” He saw the full body wince and clenched jaw. “But, what do I know?”

“Stop it, Matt.”

They sat in silence for several minutes. He watched the emotions that had been scratched to the surface cross Shiro's face.

“Is he still demanding the house? You paid for it out of your pension, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but your cousin is fighting that tooth and nail in court.”

“I hope you get the settlement. The prenup is pretty ironclad, so it should work in your favor.”

“I'm thinking of selling it and returning the money. Get reinstated.”

He sat forward in surprise. _“Really?!_ That's great! Why?”

“I…I miss the stars.”

“The stars…or just _one_ particular star?”

 _“Matt!”_  Shiro slammed his glass down on the coffee table.

Another long silence. They both refilled their drinks.

“Thank you for saving me, by the way. Did I ever thank you for that?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Well, thank you. I know that took a toll on you. It still is.”

“Almost every night.”

“Are you still going to therapy?”

“Twice a week.”

“Good.”

“The nightmares… I wake up screaming, Matt. Or flailing. Sometimes I'm trapped back in the astral plane. He…never understood. He argued with me like it was something I could immediately _fix._ He made _fun_ of it in my face to his parents! I almost slugged him.”

“You should have.”

“That…that was the beginning of the end.”

“It never should have _began_ in the first place. If you had listened to mom and dad, this wouldn’t be happening right now. We tried to get you to understand. _Pidge_ took a swing at you, for Pete’s sake!”

“I know you all did. Everyone except...” He cut off the sentence, glared at his glass, and finally acknowledged the elephant in the room. “If…if _he_ had, I might have listened.”

“Would you have, or would you have dug your heels in harder?”

“I…I don't know.”

“I'm surprised he didn’t say anything, to be honest.”

“Why?”

His jaw dropped. “Oh, Shiro, you blind idiot.”

“What does that mean?”

“Oh, quiznak. You don’t know, do you? That explains it all.”

“Explains what? I pushed him away, Matt. I pushed and pushed until he finally _went._ And, now I have no idea how to _fix_ it.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t _try._ Instead, you leapt into a loveless marriage.”

“I was blind. It was something I thought was normal. _Safe._ I needed that after what I went through. I was suddenly alive without my disease, and memories that were still jumbled. I jumped before really thinking. I didn’t pull up fast enough, and now I’m crashed on the ground, bloodied and bruised.”

“And, you want someone to _save_ you. We're trying, but it’s not _us_ you want to come to your rescue! I may be your best friend, but I’m not your _best_ friend. You shoved him away like he was nothing. _Nothing,_ Shiro! You lost your _normal_ and _safe_ because of what you did.”

“I scared his face!”

“That wasn’t _you_ and you know it! You may have the memory, but it wasn't you. But it was _you_ that hurt Keith this time.”

“What?”

“Did you expect him to stay at your side _forever_ after you got married?! He doesn’t _deserve_ that! _No one does_! You started pushing him away before the war was even over, Shiro.”

“I know.”

“Why?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Pfft. Yes, you do! Don't lie to me. You know exactly why. You were scared.”

“No, I wasn't.”

 _“Yes,_ you were. Too _afraid_ to admit your feeling because you thought you would lose what you two had. Welp, guess what. You’ve _lost_ him anyway.”

He saw the flinch. “What feelings?”

“Don’t. Lie! Admit it!"

“I’m not lying!”

“Yes, you are!”

“Dammit, Matt! _Stop!”_

 _“No!_ Not this time! We gave up and look what happened! I’m not stopping until I _drag_ it out of you! Admit it already!”

“Admit what?!”

 _“Enough!_ Say it!”

“No!”

 _“Fine!_ I will, you chickenshit! You _love_ Keith Kogane and you _screwed up_! Ruined the best _thing_ that you ever had! He was your _normal._ Your _safe._ And you _let it go_!”

He didn't flinch as the glass tumbler flew past his head. It shattered against the far wall, amber liquid splattering across the yellow paint. This ball was finally rolling and he would be _damned_ if he didn't see it through.

Shiro was shaking violently. The prosthesis was flashing and twitching. The tears started as he sucked in air between gasps and slumped forward to bury his face in his flesh hand.

“I…I thought I was doing the ri-right thing. I did-didn't want to burden him. Ru-ruin our friendship. I tr-tried to bury it. Oh, did I try. But… It was im-impossible.

So, I ran. And, then I was mi-miserable and lo-lonely. So, I we-went to the Garrison ball and th-that’s where I ran in-into...into…

Then I saw Keith at the la-last reunion. _Quiznak,_ he looked go-good. He st-started flirting with a wa-waiter. I got so jealous, I put a de-dent in the table. I wanted him to be mi-mine. I miss him so much, Matt, it hu-hurts.”

He slid out of his chair and sat next to him on the couch. He slumped into him. “When was the last time you heard from him?”

He barely heard the answer. “The wedding.”

“And why is that? Tell me. Why doesn’t he contact you, Shiro?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you lying to me again?”

“No. What are you trying to get me to understand, Matt?”

“Think about Keith for a few minutes. Why would he do all that he did for you?”

Another long silence as Shiro drifted in thought until he stiffened against him and choked out a small cry of distress.

“Quiznak. Oh shit. Oh shit, no. Nonononono. _How?_ How did I not _see_ it? It was all over his _face_ and I…missed it. I was so absorbed in my own twisted emotions, I fucking _missed_ it!”

Shiro didn’t see his manic grin above his head. “What?”

“I hurt him, didn’t I? That…That “I love you.” wasn't just as a _brother,_ was it? I got it all _wrong,_ didn’t I? Not as a brother. It was beyond that. He is…was in love with me.”

 _“Finally_ you realize it, you giant disaster.”

He lurched up and away to stare at him. “Why didn't he _say_ anything? Why didn't he _stop_ me?”

“You know the answer to that, too, don’t you?”

“Me. I never said anything, either. Plus, the way I treated him there at the end to hide my feelings and everything I was going through from him."

 _“Bingo._  He thought you were happy, and there for a little while, you were. So he stayed silent.”

“If I or he had… _Oh._ Oh no. How long, do you think? How _long_ have I been hurting him?”

“Not sure. But, I could tell as soon as I saw the way he looked at you when I met back up with you all.”

“All that time…gone. Quiznak, I’m a fool. I fucked up, Matt. I fucked up badly this time.”

“It's fixable now that you’re soon to be single again. I heard from Pidge he’s no longer…uh…” He coughed awkwardly into his fist. “Seeing that waiter.”

Shiro gaped. “He… So that's why he didn’t come talk to me that night after the reunion dinner even though I asked him.”

 _“Really,_ Shiro? Did you think he'd wait for you if he thought you were taken from him for good, you doofus? He deserved to find happiness too, ya know.”

“I should have just _said_ something. Why didn't I take a _chance?_ I can drive off a cliff on a hoverbike. I can battle enemies head on. I faced death. But, I can’t _admit_ my feelings?!”

“It just shows you're human like the rest of us. Not this untouchable figure many people believe you to be.”

“Huh?”

“You haven't been to the Garrison in a while, have you? There’s an entire storage closet of letters and gifts from people for you.”

“You're kidding.”

“Veronica threatened to have them forwarded, but Lance talked her out of it. He's working part time to sort it between you all and send responses or thank you cards. Even I get a few things occasionally. Like the cute drawing mailed in by a six-year-old. It's framed on my wall.”

“I'll have to go check it out. What about Keith's stuff?”

“Umm…”

“Matt.”

“He comes to get it.”

“What? When?”

“Every two Earth weeks.”

“He's been… He's been coming to Earth every two weeks, and I didn’t know? Why didn't I know? Does he know about the divorce?"

“He didn't think you cared so…he asked us not to bug you when he's here. He only stays a few vargas and then leaves. He doesn't know about the split, though. It felt too...personal to tell him."

“I've really screwed up, havent I?”

“It’s going to take time. But, you need to get him to _talk_ to you first.”

Shiro thought for several seconds before determination settled on his face. “Let me get my holopad.”

“Sure.”

A few minutes later, the video call went unanswered. There wasn't a way to leave a message, either. “Dammit.”

“Is there someone else you could try?”

“Maybe. She probably doesn’t want to talk to me, though. Not if I've hurt Keith."

“Probably not, but it’s worth a shot.”

“Har har.”

“Well, someone has to say the things you used to. Your humor is horrible. I’m not sure if I’ve missed it or not.”

“I haven't been myself. I…lost myself for a while, Matt.”

“I know. But, if you realize that then it’s time to figure yourself out. And that starts with Keith. You need him, bud.”

“Yeah. I do.”

***

Two days later a message from Krolia went out to several people.

Upon opening it, the reader saw a picture of Shiro and Keith, both in tears, wrapped in each others arms with their foreheads pressed together.

The Holts exchanged glances around the table.

Sam said what they were all thinking first. “About damn time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are food for the soul. ^_^


End file.
